right for Hunter: The hard decision

So I had a long talk with Hunter on Wednesday night. I told him that of course he is the love of my life and if the hard decision to have him undergo chemo was up to me and daddy, we were all for it. Was this the right decision for him? No idea but I had to try it for me. Again, was this the right decision for Hunter. As we finished our talk, me in a complete breakdown, he laid down in front of me and sighed. I told him that I loved him more than the world and would try to make the right choice for him and not for me. I had been begging someone to take these hard choices away from me.

Thursday I had a meeting at work, nothing out of the ordinary. I had packed my lunch and left it in the fridge at home so I could slip some goodies to my big boy. I was a little later getting home than normal. I unlocked the door and I couldn't get the door to open. I thought maybe one of the (7 year old) puppies was jumping up against the door but it turns out my big guy Hunter had crawled up in front of the door sometime after I left for work and passed away. I shook him, I screamed at him, I picked him up and rocked him but life as I know it was over. He had heard me and made the decisions for me. That is how much he loves me. I called Dennis at work and told him that Hunter and I needed him home, that our boy was gone.

When Dennis got home we sat together and held him soaking him in our tears. We were in shock because all the vets told us months, but we were kind of relieved that we no longer had to have the chemo talks.

We held him for what was probably an hour but felt like minutes. We made the call to companions forever, the pet crematorium and loaded him up for his last car ride. I help him and sang to him the entire trip. Leaving him was he hardest thing ever. Thank god this place is amazing. We may be able to pick him up on Monday. I am sure Dennis will have to go with me. It was so hard when I got Dexter.

Yesterday Dennis brought home a bunch of balloons and had us write memories of our boy down and release them. It was hard to even let the balloons go but now when I talk to him I look up in sky where he balloons disappeared. I know he can hear me.

As I was laying in bed a few mornings ago I came across a quote that sums up how I feel perfectly

" I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those were some of the best times of my life"